The end of 2020

I am definitely keep coming back here, is it because here is where most of my memories & honest thoughts written on? 

I am bored. Current location; somewhere around Perak, outstation. This nature of job, sometimes makes me question the path I've choose. Browsing Netflix, nothing interesting to keep me there. Even brought a book to keep me accompany, but I dont feel like reading. 

Now my stomach growling. At this hour. In this small town, where you can only see road lights after 9pm.

Yesterday, tried to find a pharmacy because your-ankle-sprained-girl left her ankle guard home, so she need to buy a new one in order to walk painlessly - and guess what, she got lost. In this small town, eh? 

Drove around the town aimlessly, and I found myself laughing - amused that I have never tried to discover anything about this place. Ive been coming here for quite some times, but the only thing entertain me here was, KFC. And that famous stall who serve steamed rice using inside bamboo stick.

Iklan, my playlist now playing Forever by Lewis Capaldi. Ah this song :(

Okay sambung. So as I drove this morning, from my hotel to the workplace, I thought, why not? I would love to work at this kind of place. It only took me 5minutes drive. I could wake up at 8 am, and arrive at the workplace 8.30am. No rushing, no jammed, no unpredicted traffic. Except the road surface are not as smooth as Kuala Lumpur. Have you seen patchwork blanket? Yes that is the nearest example of the road condition, but still manageable (with some curse). Other than that, all good. A dream life.

Additionally, maybe few 24 hours restaurants, and perhaps an arcade & a mall with (at least) Sukiya, Starbucks & Boat Noodles? And my family here, too. And my bestfriends?

Okay I will reconsider this dream of mine when I hit 40s.

Turn

Oh hi,

I keep forgetting this space of mine. My free-from-judgemental-self-of-mine where I will write anything without thinking. Now here I am.

Writing. Thinking. Lol.

A friend of mine came to me, told me she's crying over small things. No it is not a small thing, it was something related to her insecurities, her vulnerable spot. By strangers. Why do people think it is okay to comment and joking harshly with someone they barely knew? We never know what we wrote on someone's social media, words you told them, will affect their mental badly. Keep it to yourself, people didnt ask  your opinion so shut the f up.

I am mad. Truly mad. The only thing I have for my beloved ones, is myself. Trying my best to be there and listen, to every rant, sadness, mad, insecurities. So whenever this random people make my person sad, I cannot resist to turn on my bitchy mode. So stupid eh buat kawan I sedih?

I have lotsssssof things to write, but I couldnt. Too many things happened, and I am bad at handling it. Even sharing it.

I need my space. But I shouldnt have those space, due to my tendency to overthink and pushing people around me away. I thought that I am an open book, i thought I am.




I am --- not. To whom, should i turn?

11:13pm

I love cities, when the sky turning reddish. The dawn; dusk. I love the smell in between of day and night transition. But if I must choose, I'll go with the black dark sky. You could only see the shining stars. Even the dullest star, getting their chance, to shine. You could only see the light from the buildings. Doesnt matter how poor, old, ugly each of them, you will only see the lights. Shining bright.

I love views. And will always be. 

Aku suka bintang langit malam, aku suka matahari turun senja, aku suka awan sarat petang. Aku suka, apa aku suka. 

When there is too much things happened around me, I felt lost. Ive tried my best to handle things. Ive even told myself, this will be good. You will passed this with flying colors. But I guess in the end, things keep coming back to me. To whom, should I settle this with? Siapa? No one should take the responsibility, of your own ability, to handle your feeling. 

Aku suka, dan sedih, Sama kuat rasa dia. Menyampah, sebab aku tau aku cengeng bila benda melibatkan begini. I dont really remember the last time I cried over someone else. Because no one worth my tears (tetiber). So yea, this is my break point. Gembira, tapi sedih. I should start counting d-days.

My Brainless Bestfriend

Dalam banyak-banyak benda, benda paling aku takut sekali hilang tempat aku bitching and being bitter without being judge. She know my ridiculous temper, and my alter ego. All this time, aku harap seorang Rahmadana Islam tak menyesal buat keputusan kawan dengan aku 10 tahun yang lalu. Sebab aku macam ada menyesal sikit kadang-kadang. Menyesal, sebab ada kawan andartu camni sampai rasa takyah ada orang lain kawan sampai mampus jela dah kalau dia sorang je paham aku :')

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GONG!

For listening to every rants,
For hating the same people as i do,
For bitching together on something stupid,
For being supportive,
For trust on whatever Ive said,
For keeping my darkest secret,
For laughing over silly jokes,
For 'ok jom' to every random plans,
For being there at my lowest point,
For the understanding,
For always there until now.
Thank you.

Resting Bitch Face & I Couldnt Recognize You, by Yours Truly

Ada sekali, masa awal-awal habis grad, aku pergi Jobfair. If I am not mistaken dekat Mid Valley. That place was crowded, jalan pun laga bahu. Tiba-tiba aku dengar orang panggil nama aku. Aku pusing, cari, takde siapa yang aku kenal. Bahu aku kena cuit. A guy standing infront of me, asking,

'Azza, budak UTHM kan?'.

Aku lost. 'Ye Azza, UTHM. Siapa eh?'. Mamat tu diam, pandang aku. 'Tak kenal eh?'.

'Haah.'

Pastu mamat tu blah. Aku yang???????? ApE yaNg SeDanG tErJaDi???? Dia hilang, dalam crowd. Kawan aku kat sebelah pandang, 'Aku rasa aku cam la budak tu. Fakulti Mechi rasanya.' MASALAHNYA AKU MEMANG TAK CAM MUKA, NAMA, LANGSUNG. Pastu aku malas fikir, aku biarkan memori itu berlalu begitu sahaja. Even if you ask me now, muka dia cemana? Aku, tak ingat, langsung. Aku ingat kejadian ni je.


Baru-baru ni, dekat tempat kerja, ada clique aku bagitau, ada sorang budak Main Con (aku company Subcon) kenal aku. Tau aku budak Civil, kawan sekian-sekian. Oh okay, pastu kenapa tak tegur? My logic, kalau dia boleh tahu semua tu, mestilah dia someone yang aku kenal jugak, kan. Kawan aku cakap, mamat tu takut aku tak kenal dia. Sebab dia fakulti Elektrik. Aku tanya nama, and his name did not knock any door. Macam, siapa eh? Pastu aku buat keputusan elok jugak budak tu tak tegur aku, sebab nanti aku buat muka lost aku lagi. Hahaha. Dan sampai sudah aku tak pernah terserempak pun dengan dia since dia kerja shift malam. Taktau la bila masa dia perasan kewujudan aku.



Homosapiens yang tak kenal aku, mesti akan cop aku garang, sombong, not approachable, muka macam nak pergi bergaduh. Even if I ask my clique & friends, first impression mesti ingat aku sombong. When I couldnt recognize pepole who said Hi first to me, it made me feel awkward, and guilty.


Satu - aku memang takkan tegur orang dulu dekat luar. Sebab memang tak alert (alasan aku rabun tak pakai spec), and malas nak start any kind of conversation.

Dua - aku buat muka biasa pun orang cakap tengah marah. DAH AKU MEMANG BURUK MUKA NAK GADUH TAKKAN NAK SURUH SENYUM 24JAM KANG CAKAP GILA/PERVERT PULAK. Tetibeh emo kan. Hahaha geram okay aku rilek pun suruh aku chill eii.

Tiga - penyakit lupa. Otak aku short term memories. GB besar, tapi data cepat hilang. Aku tanya nama kau harini, beberapa jam kemudian belum tentu aku still ingat. So aku cuma ingat orang yang memang I regularly communicate with. Itu pun kadang-kadang aku lupa.


'Eh siapa nama kau? Bak sini sikit air.' - ayat favourite bila otak dah jammed.


So yeah, aku friendly je sebenarnya. Ni biasanya testimoni lepas dah kawan dengan aku la. Sampai tak larat nak layan. Tegur jelah, tapi maafkan daku kalau aku tak cam kau siapa. Bukan sebab aku perasan bagus, satu dunia kenal, tapi sebab aku semula jadi bodoh sikit. Hahahahhahahaha aku bersimpati dekat semua kawan-kawan aku sebab kenal aku. Padan muka tak boleh patah balik.

Lari.

I need to run. I must run. Running from myself, running from all this bullshit. Run as fast as I could, as far as I would.


I started, then I stopped. Kau, nak lari mana? Jauh mana kau boleh lari? Selaju mana kau mampu lari, sampai kau boleh lupa semua benda? Lari macam nak gila, aku tetap disitu. Tak bergerak. Kau lari jauh-jauh, sampai tak cukup tanah, tak cukup nafas, kau pandang atas, langit tetap langit yang sama. Cuma mungkin harini gelap, hitam pekat, tak nampak apa-apa. Esok, ada satu dua bintang, yang entah dari mana muncul, terang, jadi kawan kau. Lusa, bintang satu-dua hilang, tapi bulan penuh, kuning-kemerahan. Langit yang gelap dua hari lalu, terang, penuh dengan awan.


See. Im talking trash right now. It doesnt matter if you want to run, anywhere, everywhere. But please running forward, tinggalkan semua benda sampah, useless, yang menyemakkan kepala kau, dekat belakang.



Makin jauh, makin hilang la benda tu. Pastu kau boleh kot jalan, dengan tenang, macam sebelum-sebelum ni. Kan?

Backpack to South Korea - Day 1.

Gamcheon Village, Busan.

What's up with Korea? To be honest, me & Gong have been planning for Korea trip since 2016. Planning as in 'Eh jom pergi Korea kita asyik jalan p Indonesia je.' kind of plan. No route checking, just review some itinerary from random blog yang kami baca/friends and places that becoming main attraction on this country. So yeah, improper planning.

We confirmed the date dengan paksa rela. Lol. Bought the ticket during Air Asia free seat on March 2017. Kuala Lumpur to Busan one way flight cost us RM280/pax. Cheap isnt? Tiket balik kami hold tak beli langsung, until a month before departure. Tu pun duk bergaduh nak tunggu tiket murah. Dasar cheapskate. Haha! Hari-hari refresh apps skyscanner, kayak etc untuk check tiket murah and wallah! Berjaya jugak dapat, purchased from Airpaz. Seoul to Kuala Lumpur one way flight RM563/pax including 20kg luggage because we knew ourself yang balik confirm beg melebihi muatan takkan lepas 7kg untuk naik cabin. Uh-huh. Dan ya, kenapa balik dari Seoul? Sebab itinerary kami berakhir di Seoul, so kami malas nak patah balik ke Busan semata-mata untuk naik flight. Gittew.

Day 1. 20 November 2017.

Arrived at Gimhae International Airport, Busan around 09:30. First thing first, we went to the 24/7 mart to buy some food(s).


But, please be noted, Gimhae Airport ada dua part, satu arrival for International (which where we're landed), lagi satu Domestic flight arrival. If you want to find mart you need to move out from International Arrival building (which got nothing except toilet and people arrived la obviously), to the Domestic Arrival building located exactly next to International building.


Bought some gimbap and the famous banana milk as breakfast, then we went to information counter to ask regarding T-Money.

T-Money ni fungsi dia macam Touch N Go dekat Malaysia. You can use the card for bus & subway ride. Based on our itinerary, the overall cost for transportation sahaja will be around 50,000 krw. We asked the information counter to write the amount that we want to top-up, because the ahjumma who work at the 24/7 mart couldnt speak English. Dia bagi T-Money, yang takde isi. Lololol sedih betul.



The information counter staff suggest to top-up sikit-sikit instead of 50,000 krw sehempuk untuk T-Money. It will be waste if there is too much balance masa kami nak balik KL nanti. So we decided to top-up 20,000 krw sahaja. Then we started our journey. To check in to our hostel located at Jagalchi Market, we ride the subway from Busan-Gimhae Light Rail Transit > Sasang Station  > Seomyeon Station  > Jagalchi Station. Sampai.

Popcorn Hostel aka MY Nampo Hostel.

We booked MY Hostel Nampo on Agoda, which we concluded as the cheapest hostel that we could afford, and the review quite promising. 4 nights RM450 which approximate equal to 130,000 KRW, 1 room for 3 pax , private bathroom yasssza. Let me tell you, it is really important to decide your priority when it comes to choosing your hostel.

As example, I know I am someone who really fussy when it comes to cleanliness & the toilet condition, therefore my preview are based on that. I am also do considering the distance to the nearest subway to save more time & my energy. Sometimes, the overall rate was high because of the other factors such as location, accommodation, friendly staff etc. Therefore, pick your priorities and choose wisely.


The owner wasnt there but he left sticky note at the counter as guider. Checked in, decided not to waste our time, went towards our first location.


Gamcheon Village.

How to go to Gamcheon Village?


You need to ride bus to be here. It is either you take bus or taxi directly, or went to the nearest subway station & ride bus to the village.

Nearest subway : Toseong Station. And then take bus Saha 1-1, Seogu 2 or Seogu 2-2. After that, inform the bus driver to tell you once the bus arrived at Gamcheon Village. It was easier this way, because all of the bus stop name will sound totally same for you (in this case, it was us). Man up, ask the driver straight away to make your life easy! Haha.


Please be informed that the village closed at 6 pm everyday. At first I thought the village simply overrated and mehs, but the view stunned me. You need to hike to see the overall view of this village. Colourful buildings, mounts, sea & sun. In one image.

Questioning my life decision to hike this freaking stairs......

Never ending. 

We arrived around 4 pm & wandering for 1 hour. Went back to our hostel to rest for awhile, and walk around Jagalchi Market area as our night activity.

From Jagalchi Station walking distance to our hostel was around 150 meter. Sepanjang jalan ada street food punya stall, macam pasar malam? The thing is mostly semua tempat local lepak minum soju, which we believed it will be hard for us to feel comfortable. At last, kitorang jalan je pusing2 that area.

AKU BARU PERASAN ADA ORANG PEACE BELAKANG TU KAHKAH

During night, kitorang saja experiment pakai seluar tracksuit je. Sebab tengok local tenang je pakai legging dengan 8°C. Balik tu kami bertaubat nasuha sebab sejuk dia astaghfirullah mengaku jelah engkau orang Malaysia 16°C dah cukup gigil dah.

The end of Day 1. Will be continue to Day 2 atau mana-mana day yang aku teringat. Hahaha! Bye.

26th.

Things that Ive learn(ed) when i turned 26th were:

1) Your point of view may differ from others. Experience, surrounding, lifestyle & even your gender, will effect on your opinion. There is no right or wrong, it is truly depends on how you see the world moving & spinning, changing. To accept, to agree & disagree, to respect others.


2) You might say NO, others might say YES. You cannot change how people see/saw you, but you should not let people's opinion effect your decision & determination, in a bad way. Perhaps, simply take that as seeing yourself from people eyes'. Doesnt matter either friends, family, partner.


3) To be less grumpy. I keep reminding myself not to be bitter & grumpy. I easily get annoyed on small things. Especially when I am super hungry. Dont try to pick a fight or argue when I am hungry. You dont want to see my another side. Being adult make me questioning things like this. Is it our duty to change, or other adult to be more understanding? Nah, I need to play calm.


4) Stop being greedy. Once Ive got attached to certain person, I rasa tamak. I dont mind sharing my friends with strangers, but deep down I started to feel greedy. When they are good, nice, trustworthy, why should I share them with another human being? Stop. You did not own anyone, anything. Even yourself.

Older, wiser & more places to explore!

2018

Hello.

Is it me you looking for?

I changed my blog's link to look mature & more serious, according to my age. with the thought of,

"Wow, pasni mesti lagi rajin buat entry since link blogspot dah tak cringey dah!"

Tet, wrong. I underestimate my own laziness. Like hello you tukar nama paling matang dan berwibawa kalau dah emang loh itu dasarnya pemalas, ya udah lupakan aja seh.

So yeah, my last entry was end of October 2017, which a month after that I went to South Korea for 9 days. I promised to myself to update the journey, itinerary, how do I plan my route, what kind of places Ive been, foods, and the people. And again, janji untuk dicapati. Hahaha! 

Gamcheon Village, Busan, South Korea.

And here I am, again, promising to myself, again, to update my-last-2-days-country that Ive been travel, for 7 days, Thailand.

Sunrise Beach, Koh Lipe, Satun, Thailand.

Aku harap ini bukan hanya hangat-hangat tahi ayam. I need to sit down and try to remember back all the rough cost & journey, the goods and the bad, and jot it down here. It will be easy for me to read back my own memories dah tua nanti. Okay.

Bye.

Mudah Terhibur

Few days ago Shamie called me because he was bored (as usual bila je dia call aku masa tak boring) & of course la nak update pasal makwe baru dia (yes because my opinion is matter k) kahkah. In the middle of talks, suddenly he said;


Shamie: Weh aku sorang-sorang dalam bilik ni.

Me: Oh. Makcik kau mana? (I asked this sebab he is currently living at his aunt's house)

Shamie: Makcik aku....... dalam bilik dia la??

Me: Memang la dalam bilik dia shaiton takkan dalam bilik engko. Aku ingat engko cakap kau sorang tu takde sesiapa kat rumah shhaskdhjsadj

Shamie: Takde la soalan kau pun.........

Me: DAH KAU CAKAP KAU SORANG INGAT MAKCIK KO BALIK KAMPUNG KE PE. SESUATU SANGAT KALAU JAWAPAN KAU TADI PLOT TWIST PUKUL KANG

Shamie: AKU NAK CAKAP COUSIN AKU TAKDE LA KAN AKU KONGSI BILIK DENGAN DIA HAHAHAHA



Aku taktau la aku memang mudah terhibur ke apa. Tapi sumpah terhibur teruk. Satu, aku rasa soalan aku bodoh. Dua, jawapan dia lagi bodoh. Dahla jawab dengan tak bersalahnya, Hahahahaha benci gila kenapa la aku sentiasa ada kawan yang daku sesali tak cari kawan lain dahulu.


Tak masuk lagi sembang dengan Padgie punya serkap jarang. Gong takyah cerita la, dia baru je memalukan aku dengan bagi dekat customer contact name aku, which dia save as 'Azza Drama' (dia sentiasa tukar contact name aku mengikut current situation. Drama tu sebab aku kuat drama).



Tak guna betul.

Life-Career

On 19th of September, I have a thought of  'I should write something here.' But seeing the latest post was on 10th, I aborted my intention. And suddenly BAMMMM 6th of October. LOL WHAT IS THIS TIME DO FLIES HA



I supposed-to sleep right now since Im working tomorrow. Ye, kerja, on Saturday. The fact that working 6 days a week instead of 5, made me hate myself. But the fact that I love the time-flexible as working on site, I guess this is not that bad. I dont have to wait until 1pm for my lunch. Didnt stuck in the office 24/7. Going here and there every week. Not that bad.



I am in the middle of transition to a new place, which I could said it was, unpredictable. Almost a year with this project, starting from sub-structure, currently in super-structure phase, it is a pleasant journey. Jap, this is boring. Kenapa aku menulis perkara yang membosankan begini.



Ive met wonderful people. My clique not that annoying. Some might give me headache when it comes to works, but personally we are good. My superior, and boss. Did I ever mention that Ive almost never get scolded by them? Tak pernah tinggi suara. Tak pernah marah gila babi. Kalau ada buat silap they will teach me properly. Guide me. And even explain segala jenis detail yang aku perlu ambil tahu.




I feel -- blessed.



When Ive got another offer, and to be honest they offer me with quite amazing increment, Im shookthed. Biasanya terus rasa this company wil give me so much benefit and money and career development and blablabla. But my very first thought was --- how am I going to leave my clique & boss????? Pity my boss.



Guys trust me, our client is annoying.



Especially dengan hadirnya new head from client team. I hate them when it comes to works. But personally, again, I layan diorang okay je. I guess I am that proefessional thou. Puji diri sendiri level confident nak mati. Kakakaka.



So patutnya I happy, like hello bye you annoying client. Tapi kalau cakap pasal kerja, I think semua client pun cerewet, kan?




But my superior's words hit me -- as I asked their opinion and what step should I take, next.

'Jangan fikir pasal orang. Jangan fikir pasal bos. Jangan fikir pasal company. Fikir pasal your career goals. You offer your labor & time of course you need to gain something. A good salary, and new knowledge. So just go, jangan fikir pasal lain dah.'



To considering their words (yes Ive 2 superior who I respect the most since they are supportive and of course la power gila bab kerja ni), I think Im being clingy. They even discussing & searching (they said 'bagi kami bersidang kejap' over gila ok) about the company nak tengok okay ke tak. I rasa, terharu. Dan sedih. KO INGAT SENANG KE NAK DAPAT SUPERIOR TAK KEDEKUT ILMU SUPORTIVE TAK PERNAH MARAH ENGKO LIKE HELLO. And now they are no longer my superior since both of them went to a good company which I wish one day they will call me to join them HAHAHA.




Whoever going to be their anak buah in future, you guys are sooooooooooooooooo lucky I tell you. Lucky dapat boss yang sangat concern about your knowledge in this industry, willing to guide, even boleh sembang2 kosong & beramah mesra. Wuuuuu. I hate you guys. I need to sort my thought and decision, now. Selamat malam.

Mind Bugging

It's 2.15am, in the morning. To woke up at this hour really not a good thing. Nothing is good when it pass 12am. Your mind entering the melodramatic zone after this hour.


There was/is something keep bugging me since last night. The current news regarding a father who raped his 15y/o daughter, since 2 years ago, everyday, thrice a day, without missed. Well acturally since the news came out a week ago, my mind was fucked up.


Someone that you trust, someone that you love, someone who supposed to protected you in all cause, betrayed you. And the first time he did that to her, during their umrah. This is the most fucked up fact that my mind refused to brain it properly.


Dekat tanah suci kau buat benda terkutuk macamtu?


To be honest, if, I was in her shoes, I might be questioning my faith on Him. Mana Tuhan, masa aku perlukan Kau? Mana? Kenapa out of many places, dekat situ dia kena. Which is the main evil is her father. Youve destroyed her life.


I wonder how traumatic she is, self-conflict, trust issues, hates, doubts and nightmares. Aku taktau macamana kuat budak perempuan tu kena jadi. Dik, I hope you will find your way to stand still, and moving forward with your life. Im praying for that bastard to rotten in hell.


And I hope, no one, in this world, facing this kind of life ever. Aku yang membaca pun jadi depressed gila babi, inikan yang kena hadap. Tolonglah manusia jahat atas muka bumi ni semua mati kena panah dengan petir.



Till then, goodnight.

Comfort Zone

Semalam Ive this kind of conversation with Gong & Ida, pasal being private over social media. How uncomfortable we are when our workmates asking for our social media sebab nak follow/add. Ida even lied to her workmates yang dia dah deactivated acc fb just because dia taknak kena add. Keji gila okay! Hahaha.

Tapi aku pun sama. Gong apetah lagi. Ko tengok social media dia semua friends sikit nak mampus. Macam tiada guna ko ada social media kahkahkah. Circle dia lagi kecik compare aku dengan Ida. Kira kalau susun carta circle of friends, aku kategori paling ramai circles lah compare dengan diorang dua. Aku rasa macam tak, kawan aku sikit je. Tapi ayat diorang; Za, kawan kau kat semua tempat ada za. Kitorang sampai taktau bila je ko takde kawan kat tempat lain. TAPI AKU DAH KEEP MY CIRCLE SMALL AS POSSIBLE KOT ISH. 

Kenapa? Sebab bagi aku, lagi besar circle kau, lagi penat kau nak catch up. Lagi banyak drama kau nak kena hadapi. Lagi-lagi kalau circles tu besar, and ramai perempuan. Mampus. Tapi disebabkan aku kategori extrovert (kot), ikut mood jugak la. Aku selalu ended up creating new friends wherever I went. Macam, aku takde niat pun. Tapi orang cepat rasa selesa (?) dengan aku. Im being myself, orang ajak sembang, aku sembang. Orang tu jenis banyak cakap, aku dengar dan iyakan. Rasa boleh ngam, aku sembang macam biasa. Aku jenis takkan start perbualan, tapi once orag tu start, aku boleh follow their flow. Tu apa aku rasa la.

Tapi, masalahnya, bila aku jadi ramah, orang akan rasa, okay dia ni boleh keep in touch selalu. In real life yes, tapi kalau nak contact, sembang dalam whatsapp, social media, no. Sebab aku pemalas nak reply benda menaip, melainkan kau manusia yang aku selesa & ada topik untuk disembangkan. Kadang-kadang okay la tanya khabar, tu pun akan berakhir dengan perbualan tergantung sebab aku tak reti tutup perbualan and say 'Goodbye', so aku akan biar sahaja. Bila taktau nak reply apa, aku biar je. Ataupun bila bagi aku, orang tu tak menunjukkan minat untuk berbual, so aku malas reply & nampak aku je beria tanya soalan.

Kira comfort zone aku ialah dalam circle yang kecil. Kalau kau wujud dalam ketiga-tiga social media aku, facebook-instagram-twitter, maknanya aku selesa dengan kau. Paling kritikal instagram & twitter la. Fb tu takde apa sangat. Takde post apa-apa pun.

Some might said, ala bukan apa pun. Tak salah pun ada kawan ramai. Social media je pun. Tapi bagi aku, kami, tak. Aku pentingkan kualiti over kuantiti. Scan circles yang akan bagi impak positif dalam hidup adalah amat penting ya rakan-rakan. Jenis kuat drama, emosional, cakap belakang, tak perlu kot. Oh, differentiate between kerja dan personal life juga penting. So bagi aku, amatlah penting untuk aku mengelak rakan-rakan kerja dimama-mana laman sosial aku. Masa kerja yes, sampai rumah, bye.





Everyone have different thoughts bila bab being private in life. Personally, Im not a fan of exposing too much on social media. Sebab aku suka over thinking & tau mesti akan ada tukang judge. So daripada rasa insecure, baik aku tak payah post apa-apa. Gituh. Aku juga perlu memikirkan semula kata-kata Ida & Mah semalam.




'Kau tak boleh circles banyak, penat nak keep up la, malas nak keep in touch la. Tapi eveytime kau pergi tempat baru mesti ko buat kawan baru. Ramai lak tu.' HAHAHAHA.



Sian aku. Buat kawan pun kena marah.........Takpelah, tu kategori networking. Kenalan ramai takpe, senang apa-apa hal. K gerak lu.





Salam Aidiladha!

Draft yang ke-4

Banyak gila aku draft entry. Dah taip halfway, malas. Momentum hilang sebab gatal p buat benda lain. Tekan close. Dasar.




Dahla harini datang kerja lambat. Like lambat gila I should kill myself instead went to work. Dan harini ada training. My whoooooole day rasa screwed gila sebab sampai site lambat. Sampai workmates tak berani nak bercakap dengan aku. Lol sorry  aku kalau penat aku memang malas nak bercakap dengan orang. Aku buat kerja aku je. Dekat dahi tu macam ada tulisan, dont disturb Im not in mood. Training tu makan half day, straight. Taknak mengantuk pulak aku. Dengan semalam takleh tidur. Dengan masa training pun Client tergedik-gedik mintak document macam tak reti sabar.





Tak, sebenarnya hari-hari pun busy. Tapi sebab harini emosi aku tak stabil, aku memang tak bercakap. Nak gelak pun tak larat. Padan muka overthinking lagi.




Lepas habis training tadi, aku percaya yang job aku ni boleh develop OCD kat aku. Hahahaha. Dahla since duduk site, habit aku ialah cuci tandas sebelum guna. AKU BENCI GILA GUNA TANDAS KOTOR. Walaupun tandas tu tandas perempuan, dan berkunci, dan site aku cuma ada dua orang sahaja perempuan, aku tetap cuci everyday. Tanah bertapak dalam toilet pun aku emo walhal tanah tu dari kasut aku sendiri. Site kot, memang la penuh tanah. *pandang diri sendiri atas bawah*




Since my job is to control the works quality, semua benda aku jadi concern. Tile pasang tak balance pun aku emo. Faham tak? Kau pasang plug senget lagilah aku emo.






Damn jap Bighit post something.






Aku. benci. Bighit. LIKE BENCI GILA. APABENDA ENGORANG TENGAH BUAT NI DRAMA KE MOVIE KE OH MY GOD I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.





Abort mission. Tak jadi sambung ranting aku nak g tenangkan pikiran (dibaca nak tengok balik video tu). Bye.

Small talks

Gong : Kau perasan tak semua kawan kau, kau kenalkan kat aku? Semua kawan kau aku kenal.


Me : Haah. Aku baru perasan aku selalu heret kau g memana


Gong : Kan. Aku takde pun kenalkan kawan aku kat kau.


Me : Yela sebab kawan kau sapa je? Ko manada kawan Didi jela yang aku kenal pun, sebab dia je kawan ko selain aku???


Gong : Natang betul.




Gong tak boleh nak deny since it is true. Matilah ko kalau aku kawin ko takde kawan dah kawan la dengan Didi sampai mereput hahahahahabye

An Emergency Call

Just woke up from sleep. Yes, I fell asleep after maghrib and constantly in between half-awake-half-asleep until 10. It was a long day. Well at least, for me.




12:00 PM

Phone ringing. Ibu's name appeared on my screen. Thought it is my lunch time, perhaps she want to ask me lunch at home since we've got guests. But as I answered the call, her voice stuttering. Asking if Im busy, I should go to Hospital Kajang. I heard 'Abah' in between her stuttering voice.

Bruh before this if my mom ask me to go to the Hospital Kajang, I am totally fine. She's working there, it is either there was no one to fetch her or she want me to bring something for her. But this day, as she's already a full time pension, nothing goods when you heard 'Hospital Kajang'.


I asked, why? 'I cannot talk,' - she said, about to cry. She passed the phone to our guest (a makcik). 'Nana, pergi Hospital Kajang kejap boleh? Abah tadi tangan kena parang. Ibu call kakak abang Nana semua tak angkat phone. Cuba Nana pergi tengok kejap.'





















Wut.

















KENA PARANG AKU TERUS IMAGINE TANGAN PUTUS.









I can feel blood rushing outta my face. Pale. Took car keys and phone and sprint out from my site. On my way to Hospital I called my brother in law asking him to tell kakak. Dont do this kids. Drive and using cellphone bahaya okay tapi I dalam keadaan rushing so I maafkan diri sendiri. Lol.







Sampai Hospital Kajang, I called Abah and he was like 'Tak payah lah....takde pape pun.....dekat emergency ni tunggu doktor.....'.Told him I am already there dont tak payah kan me hahaha. Arrived there and I saw him at waiting area. He is totally fine. His wound wrapped with bandage but there was dry blood around his hand. I lega.









LEGA GILA LA JARI JE YANG TERCEDERA I DAH BAYANG BUKAN-BUKAN KOT TADI IBU LA NI SO DRAMATIC.







So I waited there with him. And guess what, Abah bawak motor pergi Hospital dengan sebelah tangan. 'Bawak kereta ingat ada parking ke masa macamni?' - which is true penat aku emo pusing cari parking tadi. I dont know nak marah ke nak kena thankful since there was no one at home during the incident to drive him to hospital, so Abah selamatkan diri sendiri. Hahahaha eeei.





4 jahitan jugak la. Gua dahla penakut tengok luka injury etc ni. Seram okay terbelah besar juga jari Abah. Ngeri tahu ngeri. Parang kot. Aound 2 PM settle ambik ubat, balik. Yes, Abah ride his motorcycle again. Refused to ride my car and let Along take his motor later. Hshshkahfjajs geram jer. Then I realized, this is soooo me last week. Degil. Taknak dengar cakap orang. Nak buat tu, nak jugak tak kira. Now I know I got it from my daddy. Lol.








As conclusion : my mom get panic easily. And I am totally like Abah. Tenang. HAHAHA.

Proofreading

Aku baca balik entry aku kan, aku memang kena proofread my writing. Banyak gila typo grammar error. ONE SECONDS??? One - secondSS pebende do kejap was kejap is dah jadi sedang terjadi ke cemana ni was ke were bukan plural ke tu oh my gawwwdd sakit pulak hati baca tulisan sendiri kahkah. Tapi tulah, sebagai manusia tak penyabar lepas taip aku terus tekan publish. Takpelah maafkan diri sendiri ok kot hahahahahageramnyaakuuuu

Summing Up My Weekend - Part 2

Gunung Pulut.



Selepas kejadian kemalangan yang meremukkan hatiku, aku tetap dengan keputusan nak hiking jugak. Aku peduli apa kereta remuk tapi peduli la sikit tapi kalau aku cancel pun bukan kereta aku elok semula pun sakit hati lagi adalah kena tenung kereta yang rosak tu zzzz.


Ok lah the main reason Im sticking with my plan, no matter what because I hate when people cancelling plans at the very last minutes.

But still la it is something unpredictable to happened on anyone pun, the second reason is life must go on no matter how suck is your day. HAHAHA. Aku dah plan nak join hiking masa puasa lagi kot, cancel last minit lagi menyakitkan hati sendiri, baiklah la aku pergi je at least dapat lepas gian hiking.




Bertolak around 9.30pm from Kajang, which is plan asal 9pm dah sampai dekat Damansara. Nasib baik kawan aku nak tunggu. Nasib baik la. Tapi kalau lambat sangat settle polis tu, aku syak dia blah dah. Lol.


Sampai Gerik 3am. Briefing and preparing things, pergi toilet yang ya Tuhan kalau bukan sebab atas Gunung takde toilet, aku memang takkan pergi. Start hiking around 4am.




At first rasa meh, ni jeke track dia. Rupanya, aku silap. Yang 'Mehhhhs' tu baru kaki gunung. Hahahaha start je track dia sebenar, like most of the time the route memanjang incline x and y directly proportional to the peak. Pancit. Stamina, out. Energy, out. Mentally almost out.

This is the most challenging part, 150m(+-) nak sampai peak. Around 5.30 am. Kau bukan daki dah dekat sini. But rock climbing. Ya, panjat batu yang 90degree tegak dia. Nasib baik aku & Gong antara manusia awal so tak perlu bersusah payah tunggu giliran untuk panjat. Pancit-pancit pun kami antara perempuan ke-2 sampai peak okay power kan.

Transition 6.30am - 7am. Subuh dekat peak. Gelap, so no photo. Dan aku sempat bukak inner baju atas sebab-sebab tertentu dan berakhir dengan short sleeve tshirt. Disinilah titik mula aku takde mood nak ambik gambar sendiri sebab astaghfirullah sis aurat tu last aku pakai tshirt short sleeve sahaja without inner darjah 6 tahu sobs. But still, kena jugak bukak. Dahla tertinggal hoodies ni semua Pakcik Honda belagak punya pasal sebab dia lah aku kelam kabut tak bawak hoodies aku!!!!!! I literally keep blaming that pakcik whenever I forgot to bring something HAHA. Geram. SEJUK TAU TAK PAKAI SHORT SLEEVE SAHAJA PEPAGI BUTA.

Ok dah terang. Baring-baring, lupa diri sendiri adalah perempuan. Dan lupa ada sign board 'Please do not step on mossy carpet to keep the ecosystem.' Rumput lumut yang lembut tu ada banyak dekat peak ni. Port yang aku baring untuk letak kepala, rumput tu la. Patut la selesa semacam terus rasa berdosa.

Okay ni view dah nak turun around 8.30 am. Nampak tak awan tu macam karpet? Sorry la phone resolusi tak power. Officially aku takde gambar proper as usual sebab baju aku so annoying. Tapi view masa bertenggek nak turun, seriously the best of the best. Nak keluarkan phone takut jatuh, sebab memang gaung (gaung ke curam ke kalau barang jatuh terus bye bye). Tak berani. Kalau nak tengok, sila panjat Gunung Pulut sendiri ok. Aku still boleh imagine the exact view sebab CANTIK SANGAT LIKE CANTIK SANGAT CAN I DIE HERE.








Ok habis dah. Sampai bawah, meratapi tangan yang dah naik rashes & sunburn, meratapi peluh yang mebasahi diri. Singgah few places, shoot back to Kajang around 5.15pm. Arrived around 10.15pm. Set up pelamin dekat rumah besar yang sembang beli samping baju Melayu harga 4 ribu sampai kitorg sempat la judging people wakakaka. Keji.




Habis.







Side story: Masa on my way nak turun gunung, someone texted me asking my permission. This is like the second person. Mah loled hard like dont they know you??? I told that person I will reply once I touch down kaki gunung, but until now, I dont know how to respond. So. Awkward. Ok bye.

Summing Up My Weekend - Part 1

Accident.


p/s: Amaran, entri ni panjang sebab aku emo gila babs.



NAK TAU TAK AKU ACCIDENT BALIK DARIPADA KERJA HARITU. BUKAN SALAH AKU OK SALAH ATOK TU (ya atok sebab umur dia dah 80++) LANGGAR BELAKANG KERETA PASTU KERETA AKU SONDOL LORI DEPAN PASTU LORI DEPAN TU BLAH SEBAB TAK PERASAN PUN AKU DAH LANGGAR DIA BAHAGIAN DEPAN KERETA AKU REMUK TERUK SEREMUK HATIKU.



Ok dah. butang caps lock dah elok dah, kot.



Ok la, kita start balik dari awal part accident ni. Tulis dalam keadaan yang lebih tenang, dan bertamadun. Aku kena coret jugak perkara ni sebab seumur hidup aku dua kali aku accident, dua-dua orang sondol kereta dari belakang which is I didnt do anything wrong pun elok je pemandu berhemah.




Ok, Jumaat (21 july 2017), aku on the way balik rumah. Which is my plan is sampai rumah, ambil Gong, kemas barang untuk hiking, kemas barang pelamin. So that balik sahaja dari hiking, terus load barang masuk kereta and pergi set up pelamin. Oh ya, kami plan hiking dekat Gerik, Perak on 22nd (which hari Sabtu). Kononnya Jumaat tu, lepas maghrib around 8pm tu nanti kawan aku datang pick up, terus shoot pergi Gerik la. Kononnya.




Long story short, my actual plan was to punch out from work early but I forgot that I am super busy nak mampus on that week nak bernafas pun kena mintak izin dekat bos can I breath oh no okay then Im not going to breath. K. Like literally tooooo busy, so I abort my mission untuk punch out on time. Supposed to punch out 5pm, but I punched around 5.30pm weh rugi setengah jam walaupun selalunya aku steady je balik lambat tapi aku tak kemas barang lagi ni aku patut dah kat rumah dah kot 5.30pm tu!



So drive - macam biasa. I even brag to my workmate & my senior engineer that Im off tomorrow padan muka korang kena kerja. My workplace to my house take around 30mins with jammed traffic etc. But my final 5 mins turned into nightmare & tragic.



*drumroll with sad song*



Masa tu dekat traffic simpang tiga area depan taman perumahan aku. After traffic light, masuk kanan tantaraaa there you can see my taman. So masa tengah tunggu traffic light merah. Depan aku lori.

Kuning lori. Merah Myvi oren tapi takde warna oren merah pun jadilah. Hitam Honda Accord yang telah merosakkan hariku.

Traffic light tengah merah, gear dekat neutral, kaki tekan break. Sebaik sahaja traffic light bertukar warna hijau, aku tukar gear D, lepaskan break & nak tekan minyak (tak tekan lagi), BANG!!! Aku dah selamat langgar lori depan. Bunyi kuat gila dan aku terkejut sebab HOW THE HELL AKU BOLEH LANGGAR LORI DEPAN TAPI AKU TAK TEKAN MINYAK LAGI. 

Aku kaku sekejap. Lost for few secs then I realized DAMN, MY CAR. Tarik handbreak, keluar kereta. Rupanya kereta belakang langgar aku, kereta Honda hitam. Kereta tu sondol belakang aku, dan tolak kereta aku kedepan langgar lori di hadapan. Dan lori tu tak sedar pun aku dah langgar belakang dia, sebab lori tu terus jalan - traffic light dah hijau kan. Aku. Terkejut sampai tak boleh define perasaan sendiri.

Terkejut sebab tengok kereta depan, remuk. Sikit lagi nak kena enjin. 

Skip part in between tiba-tiba ejen insuran berada di tempat kejadian, owner bengkel di Ampang, owner bengkel di simpang balak,  dan sekutu-sekutunya, yang out of nowhere tiba-tiba muncul sebab aku perempuan, kot? So semua rasa ok budak ni mesti bodoh boleh tarik kereta sekarang yay! Sorry, i jantan. You tepi sikit nak call family japs. Hahaha. 

Discussing with that Atok, and he said he will compensate blablabla and dont make any report to police. I agree. But nope, his son came. The son i guess around my dad's ages, so I called him pakcik. He insist,

Okay kita buat report je. Ok jumpa kat balai.

Like what? Kata nak setel luar, ni nak report pulak. Dahla he insist, again, kalau aku kena saman jugak (sebab aku langgar lori depan kan so nampak mcm aku bersalah juga), that is law. Ayah dia pun takde niat nak langgar kereta aku. Indirectly he said. kalau kau kena saman memang dah tu undang-undang walaupun tu bukan salah kau ayah aku bukan sengaja pun.







Aku. Bengang. Gila. Dan. Aku. Nak. Menjadi. Kurang. Ajar. Tapi. Aku. Sabar.





And yes, we did report. Dan aku tak kena saman. Sebab bukan salah aku? Dan pakcik tu yang beria-ia nak report polis tadi, call aku suruh tarik balik report dan settle luar. Selepas aku habis report. Selepas aku ber kelam kabut pick up Gong, and packing barang for hiking and let my friends waiting more than an hour to let me settle the report. Setelah aku nego sepuluh juta kali taknak report. setelah aku sudahpun berada di dalam kereta menuju ke Gerik, Perak kerana kehidupan perlu diteruskan walaupun hati kau dah remuk.



Marah kan? Ya.




Long story short lagi, pakcik tu B sebab menyusahkan aku. bukan Atok yang langgar aku yang menyusahkan, anak dia. Ayah dia dah cakap nak settle luar je dia mengada-ngada nak tengok aku kena saman.



Kesimpulannya, aku dah takde kereta nak pergi kerja. Ko bagitau sekarang aku nak naik apa. Ko cakap.

Ideal

To sit, having a coffee time, talking about random things. That is how my idea of, if - I have a significant other.


Time shouldn't be the problem, it is the quality counted as you are seeing each other even only for few minutes.


Because I hate the idea of spending too much time with my partner. I hate the idea of dating. And I don't even know why. But I love the idea of marriage. Dating & married is TOTALLY two different things. Please do differentiate.



I don't believe on dating, but I truly believe if you are serious enough, just go to the next phase. Get engaged for a short time. Then get married. Stop playing around without responsibilities.



1.26am, dan esok gua kerja. Dan lapar.